Where are my roots?

Too many ideas running through my mind in the last few years, some questioning without answers, will they ever get answers one day? do they need answers? maybe not... that doesn't stop me from going ahead. My roots, where are they? do I need to have some? perhaps they're in my mind, deep in my soul and that's enough!!

Maybe I'm completely wrong, maybe I'm only trying to make myself totally insensible to this issue and taking the risk to forget, to definitely move away from my country. For what consequences?

Why all these questions? January 5th, 8.45 pm,  a tv report on channel 5 "Echappées belles", today's topic: Madagascar - the north part of the island. I'm not very enthusiastic about this tv evening plan and this isn't the first time I have a feeling like that. I don't want to see these so well-known beautiful landscapes on tv! I'm not a damned tourist!!! As I was student and was missing so much my country, I would have done anything to see a documentary film like this... But I realized it's better I'm there for my children in case they ask some questions - and it happened! I finally stayed and... left 15 minutes later as the camera stopped too long showing the HTA President's face! Shocking! For more than one reason! No matter what the purpose was...

I've always had more or less consciously extreme "relationships" with my home country. Most of malagasy children of my generation certainly had big family meetings, some wonderful journeys to their ancestral rural village ("tanindrazana", "ambanivohitra"). Not me, I have no close ties with particular places. My father never taught us all this stuff, probably because of his own story (...). Then at the age of 17, Europe! That was decided, it was written like this. Time surely changes memories but as far as I can remember, I wasn't that excited about leaving my family and my country, it was more as I was a brave young soldier... My parents were stoic and never showed very sad faces, they have always said it was for our good! They've never tried to make us promise to come back but I came back...

Too idealistic! Too extreme. I wanted to live there again, to marry a malagasy man, to have "pure" malagasy children, to live the life of Tanà's young professionals etc. I was very naive and wanted to change things but I had to face the facts - let's say: I had to live my life before changing people's life!

For 3 years now I'm part of Malagasy diaspora, again. I'm wondering if Malagasy people like me are concerned about this issue, if so to what extent. Each must have his own way to feel his "Malagasy being". I still have this Malagasy sensibility for example... I'm probably neglecting my duties as (still) Malagasy citizen, that is to say my duties to pass on tradition, the "Malagasy being" to my children.

One thing I'm very pleased about: to hear my mother tongue and the national anthem still brings me out in goosebumps!